Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
