I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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