is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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