no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
