i barfeds in our rink
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
we're so committed to being not committed
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
