He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
