you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
