i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
