He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
