Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
home. puking in laundry basket.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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