i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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