There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
