You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
