If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
