I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
