you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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