I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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