why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
