Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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