is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Drake has all the answers
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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