just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
