listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
