My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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