Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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