White coat. Heels.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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