Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
