im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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