I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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