You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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