I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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