Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
