before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
