I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
