Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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