I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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