My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
