Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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