Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
