I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
