Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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