Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
