a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
