HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
