STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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