I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
