dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize