Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Someone came in the potted fern
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
