Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
