barbara walters just said penis...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
