you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
