Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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