Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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