i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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