I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
