I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
