So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
