so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
