Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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