You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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