Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
