I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize