We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
