I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
A bitchslap is in order.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
