I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
