I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
