mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
