Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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