What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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