i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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