Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
